I feel more at peace now, especially after a long talk on msn with him. We had never really a heart-to-heart talk for a long time. Trashing out our problems that we had before brought different insights on how he thought. Well, I do still miss him now and my heart is sore. I guess what everyone says "the wounds will heal with time" will make my heal in time also. Don't really know how come I have the strength to want to know everything I didn't wanted to come to terms with earlier. I can do accept him as my friend now, rather as my boyfriend. In the past, I told him that I think I will die if he ever leaves me. And voila! Here it happened. Probably in the worst time and worst place. I am standing strong now because my friends gave me support along the way. New perspectives that finally burrowed into my closed-up mind. You know, as I talked to him. I actually shredded a few tears because I felt sorrow after I was at ease from yesterday until now. He said he read my blog. I am surprised that he still does that. I told him everything that I had felt and everything that I thought he might he unclear about. But, we did not finished talking about everything. He said he wants to continue talking about it tomorrow. It's good that he wants to listen to me now. But it is too late for anything. My hopes for him is already dying. I don't want to get hurt again. Once is painful enough. He hoped that I find my true love one day. My ideal boyfriend just died. How can I find anyone again? I don't think I can love anyone. The senior who wanted to go after me while I was in year 1 made me compared him again and again to him. He is still the best. And I waited for him. Too bad that things doesn't go well. Once u loved and broke up, you will understand that what the love u want. He never understood. He's a growing kid who still needs find light along the way. I hope he finds that soon.