Sometimes when I hear songs from my mp3, tears will just roll down my face. Some songs are just too like me now. I especially like Cyndi Wang's "Ming Tian Jian". It's very soulful and sad.

I take for granted someone will always be there. Maybe I need to learn soon how to stand up on my own. You know, I always thought there is a forever. I truely believed in it. Until now.

What is my life until now? I would think I have achieved nothing much. Academically I am not that great. I know how to play the piano and flute, but I hardly play all these instruments now. No time and starting to lose interest in all. I love reading, but nowadays I don't read anymore. I don't know why. I am just preoccupied with other things which are more important to me than reading. My relationship with others is in a mess. I am just a underachieve or failure in life. Wasting air in this world. Wasting resources of my parents. Wasting the time of other people whom I consider them to be important to me.

I thought I was quite blissful in my life. With people who dote on me. Although I always complain this, complain that. I am starting to anknowledge that I do have people who treats me as their precious ones. Maybe being too complacent in life leads to the downfall of oneself. My own mouth destroyed my own happiness. I am so sick of myself. Sometimes I wish I don't exist. I still don't know if I live in denial of myself and my own life. I seem discontented with myself. And therefore, I affect others. My fault.

At least, he is talking fine to me now. I am really scared to disturb him now, yet I want to talk to him. I hope he is happy. This lesson of being tactful is really expensive..