Each moment of my day seemed to be particularly difficult. Everything and anything reminded me of him. Literally just popped into my mind and affect my peace. My misery builds up every time when I missed him, thought how he broke up with me, and how he said he did not carry a torch for me anymore. The repeated heart pain just threatened to bring me to tears.

Today, a surprise awaits me in my letter box. I received a birthday card from him. The stamp dated 23 October 2004. He actually sent 13 days ago. Upon seeing a letter in the letterbox, I immediately recognized that it was his handwriting. Thinking that he returned me the ring because it was useless to him, my hands trembled while I opened the letter. Then, I realized that it was a birthday card to me. This is the first time he wrote me a birthday card. The card went blab blab blab and he hoped all my wishes come true. Wishes are fantasies. They will never come true. What I wished long time ago did not come true. He did sms-ed me on 28 October evening to wish me happy birthday. He was the first person to do so. But, what's the use? I will never be happy or be the same again.

It will be long before I can accept him as my friend or never will I accept him as one. There's just too much hurt and memories we had and the depth of my love for him runs too deep. I'm sorry I can't take it so easily. For now until I don't know when, I don't have the courage to talk to him or hear anything about him. Any little matter will crush my fragile heart and tear my dam open. I need to move on. For my own sake.