I admire people who are able to live confidently. Nothings seems to be too great to bring them down. How to live life so carefree and happy, yet be bounded by responsibilities? Tough eh? When I read other people's blogs, they convey a spirit of happiness and self-control of their own lives. On the opposite end, it's me. I'm not happy. With myself. With my past. Looking back at my past entries, I complaint about my troubles more than I share about my happiness. Why am I another human to live in this world, yet I am not happy? I know I can do it, but why does my damn life have to screw up so badly? Why does circumstance has to change to such that I can do nothing to save it?
I used to be optimisic, but I don't think I will ever be again.
I used to be happy, but now I am confused about what happiness defines to me.
I used to be a go-getter, but what is the purpose of getting so much when the thing that matters to me most is gone.
I used to be a brat. Yes, taking for granted people. Even if I did it, I did it to the people I loved. Yes. I want their attention. I want them to love me more.
What I lost is far more what can be seen. My nickname "sunkisswonder" does not represent me anymore.