I can officially declare that my heart will be dead for him. He and me will never be the same again. We can't even be in the relationship of just friends. Naively, I thought he could be my best friend instead of being the love of my life. What a joke. He is already the best friend of some girl in his school. So fast. Yet, I am still here nursing the wound that he inflicted on me. It has become increasingly clear that he not even considering the possibility of us again. Yeap, maybe he will consider his new best friend. He said he's being hanging out with this girl. I asked him whether he like this girl. He said he don't know. Isn't it clear? He does like her maybe a bit now, but he doesn't want to come clean with me. You might question what's then my business of him and the girl since we already broke up? I am still very hurt and in love with him. I just cannot just declare he doesn't love me and that's it. I have been trying very hard not to think about him. But, today my dam flooded again. I just can't help it. I'm such a weakling. People keep brushing me away, but I still keep pestering him. Sometimes, I hope that this is just a big nightmare and I will wake up from it. Self-delusion, I know. It will never come true. I need him totally out of my life. Otherwise, my recovery will never start. I asked him to sell me the camera that we bought together. He said he would not sell it to me and he would give it to me. He said he don't want to draw the line so clear. How sacrastic. He dumped me and he don't want to draw the line SO CLEAR? So fuckingly adorable. I am starting to hate him now. Once I start to hate someone, it will be the end of it. University life for guys are so predictable. They get into uni, discovered it is much more interesting than their girlfriends and dumped the girlfriend. It's really an irony that I hoped he would enter the university and make himself and my parents proud of him. Now he's in there and he wants me out of his life. The same thing happened to my girlfriend and her ex-boyfriend is dating his classmate now. I bet the same thing will happen to my ex-boyfriend soon. Trust me. He always thought I never appreciated him. I do, but he just don't see it. He's tired of me and he wants me completely out of his life. Not even a small chance to give me. What's the use of me waiting for him until I come back? I would only be super miserable. At this point, I only feel that he's such a weakling. Why? Because he broke up with me over MSN. He didn't even call me to make things clear. I was the one who called him and pleaded with him to give me a chance, which he flatly refused. How responsible of him. So gentlemanly. I really despised him for choosing such a weak channel to break up. I called him shallow, yet he did not understand it. He said I am entitled to my own opinion. If so, don't be afraid of my opinion about you to others. He's the biggest disappointment in my entire life. I said I regret loving him. He said he hoped I don't regret, but look back at it as memories. Memories of being used and cheated by him. His promises of a forever love that never came through. Hopes and dreams that has been forgotten by him. Memories of how he dumped me. Memories of how my first love started and how it tragically ended. I just deleted him from my friendster. Looking at it only makes my heartache. Soon, his messages in my handphone will also be deleted. I just can't bear to do it now.