I dreamt of him again. This time, he's just beside me and he gave me a hug. I missed him so much that my dreams keep revolving around him. This has never happened in my entire life. Someone so dear, so precious in my whole life who is now gone. Tears just rolled down my cheeks again. Uncontrollably. When I hear of friends break up, I would say "Move on.. He's not worthy of you." Yet, I didn't know moving on is so difficult. I could force myself to concentrate on other stuffs a while, but it would return to him again. My heart would sore and I would remind myself that he is already gone and out of my life. There's no point missing him. Missing someone is just so painful. I wonder what he is doing now. Perhaps studying? Or chit-chatting with his new found best friend? Why would people rather spend time chit-chit or listening to the troubles of others than resolve and improve their own relationships? Perhaps it's a form of escaping from your own problems.

In Venice, I saw this couple kissing in the middle of the cold flood in Saint Mark's Square. How I envy them. Passionate about each other and totally oblivious to the surrounding. Standing in the cold, together. If only he and me can stand against difficult times and still remain passionate about each other. Or at least, I am the only one who is standing alone. Passionately in love with him. He's the only one guy who brings flutters in my heart every time I think of him. His presence never failed to bring a smile to my face whenever we meet up. The warmth that I felt when I hugged him brings me serenity and happiness. A romantic song would even bring tears to my eyes and remind me of how much I loved him and how important he was to me. He would never know all these because I never told him. I was really in love. That's why I am taking it so hard now. Did he feel the same way towards me? Was his definition of love the same as mine? Or does he need companionship instead?

I know I am just this silly girl who dreams that her boyfriend is her prince charming. So silly to think passionate love that lasts till forever do exist. And it's time for her to grow up and face the real world.

I envy my friend who has a long time boyfriend who is actually overseas studying. Somehow, they managed to keep their relationship strong despite the distance apart between them. They seemed to have the right elements of sustaining their love for each other. Mine? The first month apart, the slightest unhappiness teared up our relationship.

The song "Ming Tian Jian" really speaks of what I am thinking in my head. It says in Chinese, "Why did our love lose against the race to time? I thought it will never change. I'm used to seeing you tomorrow." This phrase seems to just call out to me. So appropriately sang at this point in time and heard by me. It continues, "I will learn to walk out of the past". When will I be able to do this? Will my heart ever recover?