"If someone can't love you the way you want him to, it doesn��t mean that he doesn't love you with all he can"..

This phrase taken from a podder's signature had just struck me to be very significantly meaningful. For me, it could be translated literally. He could not love me the way I wanted him to, it did not mean he did not love me with all he could.

I had been stubbornly insisting him to love me the way I wanted him to, while he's just happy giving his love as my friend now. Perhaps I'm a coward. This is something that I had been afraid to know. Something that I did not want to know at all. Hiding and drowning myself in thoughts of why he did not love me anymore seemed to be a form of gratification or more appropriately, an escape.

Speaking to my friend yesterday, she said that over time she came to understand her pain comes from the act of breakup, and not because she still loves him. It will be great to be able to differentiate what you are actually feeling, but where am I at now? My heart aches just from thinking of everything. Everything about him still matters. Just looking at the picture of him eating roti prata brought tears to my eyes. I don't think he ever knows that I take pictures of him just doing things and how these little photos bring a sense of love and warmth in my heart.

Control is a indeed powerful word. And I'm starting to losing myself again, which I can't afford to..

Today's the birthday of my good friend who had really touched my life in someway. A big happy 22nd birthday to you! All the way from junior college until now, we have been keeping in contact and faithfully going to pig out each time we meet up. Despite that she and I are both busy with our own commitments, I think the both of us do very much treasure the times that we see each other. Well, this friendship's really special in my heart. She's the only person who came the closest to being my best friend. I don't believe that friends need to spend time with each other all the time. If the friendship is of substance, time will not dilute it. There are some people whom you can feel close to, like you just saw him or her recently, even if you have not for some time. Well, she's one of the rare ones. I do miss our pigging outs, girly gossips, shopping trips and our "swimming cum sun-tanning cum drool-at-hunks" sessions. How fast time had really passed.. To think that it was just like yesterday that we received our "A" levels results and had both decided to apply to the same Universities. How great it would be if she had gotten into SMU and we could do our courses together. Well, both of us will be graduating soon, in a few months' time. I believe our friendship will go further, even if we stepped into the workforce. I miss you, girl!