I don't know why my heart is still aching for someone who does not love me anymore. If I cry, I feel guilty. If I don't cry, I feel miserable. When will I ever get out of this hell hole of self-misery? I'm useless. Really useless.. Yesterday, I messaged him to pass him back the things that he lent me for this exchange. The tone of his messages? Impersonal. Cold. Short to the point where no full-stops ain't any concern too. We are not going to meet each other to return the things I owed him and what he owed me. Instead, Singapore Post shall help us to do these daunting tasks. Maybe in his eyes, I'm just someone who need to vanish totally out of his life and not see again. Should I be glad that we are actually not meeting each other? Yes, I don't feel totally prepared to see him, yet in my heart I hoped that I can talk peacefully to him. Find out how he is for these few months after we split. I know I'm a fool. Why should I even think of him and find out how he is? Please scold me. Please wake me out of this fantasy. Waking up to reality and continuing with life is so difficult..

It's just the 2nd day of school. There's really nothing much to do for school work. Feeling bored and empty is not good for me. I received a advertisement asking undergraduates to work part-time in banks. Really feel like sending in my resume and get a job to work myself to death. Fill up all my painful thoughts with something that adds value to my life.