If there is one thing that irritates me to the core, it's the freaking weather. It's aggravating my bad mood, my PMS, my disgust, my whatever!!?? I'm just a tad from turning into this mad woman waiting to explode. To contain myself, here I am blasting music into my ears and trying to try a blog entry to vent myself. So, you can choose to ignore my rubbish entry below.

Okay, partly from the weather, I have to admit that I still feel affected by the shock yesterday. There's no reason to think, but my mind keeps flashing the wretched image of the "couple". Useless mind of mine. Thinking of braving up, yet contradicting itself. Poohgal is very right in one aspect. I have to let go of the "Bu Gan Yuan". I asked myself whether I have forgiven him. Nope, I haven't. Can I forgive him? No, I can't. Until today, I have really only forced fed myself of the grim reality. To accept the undeniable truth until I'm sick and tired of it. To the point of desperation and let go of any harboured hopes. Now that my life is going on well, why has knowing such facts affect me? I know that I can answer this question - I haven't reach the true "enlightenment" of letting go.... I'll make sure I'll work doubly hard to achieve this.

Whose first love is the last love? Low chance, I know. Sometimes, just thinking about this past makes me wanna hope that I don't have this past. Memories make up who we are, but it can get so damn painful that I hope that it doesn't exist.

Today I asked Poohgal why people yearn for love or even jump easily into the next relationship, despite after being hurt. The lack of companionship? We came to the conclusion that it is indeed. Different people have different tolerance for loneliness.. So, I analyzed myself. I don't forgive easily when I'm hurt, but I do forgive easily if he/she sincerely touches my heart. I do throw myself entirely into something I believe. Losing that faith is enough to make me close up and reject everything that comes in the way. Is really falling in love again the solution to total recovery? I fear to thread along this route and right now, I even shudder to think about recovery in this way.

Writing this entry really makes me feel like tear-ing.. Mr. J is right. I'm spend too much energy on emotional concerns. *Sigh*

Who doesn't fall out of love? I'm just making a mountain out of a molehill.

Knock me awake please..

I think I really need to find some other things to occupy my restless mind.. My mind is just TOO hyperactive..