The Salsa class held in school was fun. I have just discovered another possibly new interest. Step, step, and turn.. Although I don't have a good memory and my steps sometimes jumbled up, it was still nice to learn some dance steps and know some more people.
Anyway, the dance room's gigantic mirror made me realized that..
1) Wah.. I've got a disgustingly big tummy. I need to lose weight man. =(
2) I'm the shortie among all. (Again.. Haa.)
3) I can't twist my woody hips. Argh.
Salsa is pretty hard in a way. Since there was only a few of us, the instructor taught us by leading us to dance one by one. But he was quite quick in his steps and we, ladies, have a lot of twirling to do. Just imagine the instructor quickly turning me round and round.. It's a giddy dance.
Woah.. But hey, I'll conquer this dance. Just wait to watch me dance during the graduation dinner. *Winks* Haha..
The walk back to the bus stop after having prata with TCC committee bought back me some frustrations regarding someone, whom has somehow decided to "ignore" me. My happy mood from Salsa class sort of dissipated..
To tell you the truth, I feel hurt. Very hurt. I'm starting to wonder if I have a problem with friendships. All of a sudden, I feel distant from everybody. I thought the Hougang gang and me could be good friends because I really think they are nice people who have the potential.
But.. Things have turned out different from my expectations..
After the last dinner, I still feel he's "ignoring" me for "his act normal behavior". I had previously asked SS about his behavior and she said he's having PMS. I'm like.. Wah lau, what sort of person is he? Treating people according as his mood goes? I never gave him attitude, except for the time that he really hurt me. I forgave him and I thought I clicked with him better after the quarrel. I have to say that I made that conscious effort to make him feel that I really forgave him and we can be great friends. All was well. But, after the Bintan trip, I'm somehow "ignored". Should I laugh or should I cry now? When I first knew him, he ever criticised me for being quiet when around them. Am I? When I warmed up with them, I'm open to talk about anything including rubbish tok cok. Now he's the quiet one around. Perhaps only it's when I'm around. SS advised me to make first make the effort to talk to him, for he will not do so. But seriously, I feel tired to make another effort again..
Although I call Lau Pa my Lau Pa, I'm not close to him. Apart of occasional tok cok, I hardly really talked to him. What sort of person is he really, I also don't really know. Is he curious to know me? Based on my intutation, I don't think so because I'm just his good friend's friend. As much as I really hoped to know his celebrity friend, I wouldn't ask or beg him to do so. I don't feel close enough to expect anything at all.
Maybe my relationship with Hougang gang is not really what I have thought. I'm usually quite optimistic when I get to know friends as I don't think anyone does not deserve to know me or I don't want to know them at all. Maybe it's all my one-sided thoughts of being close to them, for they never really thought the same way.
Hougang gang should be at KTV now. They called SS, but I don't think they asked me along. Haa.. SS was nice enough to ask me to go, but.. I don't feel welcomed to go. I tried to tell myself maybe it was because KTV was in Hougang, it was too far and organized at the last minute so they never asked me along? Maybe.. But, I can't convince myself that it's this reason.
Why do I feel that he's the only one that always bring my insecurities to surface? First, my "handicap". Now, "real" friendships.. I guess I should not say it's HIS fault, for it's is MY fault for being pessimistic. Every friend that I know is important to me.. If I really did something wrong to offend them, I'll apologise and acknowledge my faults. Right now, I don't think I did anything wrong. Can you feel how lost I am now?
My heart really ached as I typed my thoughts. Now I understand the meaning of having a heavy heart..
